my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
