i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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