is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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