Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
