so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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