Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
