sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
