my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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