From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
