you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
