my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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