I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
