i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
