in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
