Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
