Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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