Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How external is "for external use only"?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
