she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
