So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
