I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
