she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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