dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
