Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
