peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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