Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
