is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
false alarm. still invincible.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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