I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
