i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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