No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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