he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize