u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
