WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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