I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
