So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
