Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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