"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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