p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
