If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
