well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
