Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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