Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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