They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
