We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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