it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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