ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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