when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
