dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
