the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
