I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
