I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
