What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
