there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
